


Lost Chances

by Sokorra



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2017-12-06 10:18:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/734550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sokorra/pseuds/Sokorra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an attack of the station, Julian Bashir is declared dead.  Ezri is given the job of dispersing his personal effects and last letters. Takes place after the end of the series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was once a multi-chapter fic, but when my outline got lost, and inspiration dried up, I decided to leave it as its original form, a one-shot response to an RP prompt.
> 
> There is a scene with B'Elanna and Ezri talking but I'm just going to consider I shall post the deleted second chapter but its not really going to be continued.

Ezri looked around the room in a daze. The twisted metal echoed the hum of the force fields that were keeping the vacuum of space from decompressing the station. Around her security officers were walking around, searching and retrieving evidence for their investigation into the bombing. She knew she should be assisting them, but she hardly felt like she could breathe at the moment, let alone focus on not contaminating the evidence.

Julian was dead. So dead in fact that there was nothing left for them to bury. He and a half dozen others were killed in the blast that had left this room and those around it half melted and open to space till the force fields kicked in.

She’d never see his smile, or that smirk he got when he thought he was ahead of you in a game of wits, or see the look in his eye when he flirted with her. She would never hear his voice calling for her to wait up when they got to an elevator or joking with Miles over a pint. He was gone.

She had known it before she had known it, which grammatically makes little sense, but it was the truth. She had been having a ‘hinky’ feeling all day, and when the Aventine had pulled into Bajoran space and spotted the damaged station it had only increased.

She left the room, walking down the hallways till she reached Julian’s quarters. She still knew the code, even though they hadn’t officially been together in years. He had never changed it, even though that would have been prudent in most cases. But their friendship had continued. That wasn’t quite true. They had remained friends, but it hadn’t just been friends. From time to time they had drifted back into the grey area that was their romantic relationship, occasionally spending the night at each other’s quarters.

The doors opened up to reveal his living room, as always neatly organized. She wondered in slowly, feeling as if she was disturbing him. Ro had given her the the assignment of gathering Julian’s things and distributing them to those he had written in his will. She wondered why it had come to her, rather than Miles or Julian’s parents, but it gave her a chance to have a moment alone.

The room still smelled a bit like his cologne. She imagined he had run late that morning, putting the cologne on as he walked out the door. She closed her eyes to beat back the tears that threatened to fall.

12 years. They had been friends for ten years, lovers off and on for almost half that time. She took a deep breath and reopened her eyes, looking over the decorations that Julian had accumulated in the last 12 years.There wasn’t much. A few childish drawings from Molly labeled “To Uncle Julian”, a ceremonial dagger from Worf as a souvenir of Jadzia & his wedding. A few pieces of art work she knew came mostly from his mother. Julian had never been much of a decorator, more concerned with what he was reading or playing holosuite games.

She walked off into his room, which looked a little more cluttered. His bed wasn’t made, Julian liked his sleep and rarely woke up earlier than he had to. When they had lived together if the bed had gotten made it was most likely her doing. The nightstand beside the bed held a datapadd, which upon activation showed Julian had been reading some journals related to neurotoxicity of metals used in construction. It sounded like an interesting article, and she made a note to see if she could find a copy of it for herself. A shelf stood by the wall, holding a few of Julian’s more prized possessions. A round container from his parents, his teddy bear, a few hardback copies of books he had received from Miles on his fortieth birthday. A collection of data chips of Cardassian novels from Garak. A painting of her brother’s that had once been hers but she had left behind when she had left.

She sat down on the bed, and then down at the datapadd she had been caring. Julian had left behind a will, which wasn’t uncommon for officers who had served on the front lines. But it was surprisingly large of a file. Within it were several personal letters, and an official list of where he wanted his stuff sent to in case of his death. In the case of most of the items, he wanted them to be recycled, but a few of the more personal items he wanted to give people.

To Miles he had given his collection of Whiskey and personal copies of the Alamo holosuite program and a few more the two of them had designed together.

To Garak he had returned the data disks, as well as the backup of the spy program for Garak to use for mocking purposes.

He had left his professional logs to Maisie Loughton, a nurse with whom he routinely worked. His clothes were to be recycled, as would the prints he had. The few pieces of original work were to be sent to his Mother to either keep or to give away as she saw fit.

He hadn’t left anything for her. There was a letter in the collection for her but she hadn’t gained enough courage to actually read it yet. She was afraid of what she would hear. It was a video letter, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to see his face so alive yet have the knowledge that he was gone.

She finally pushed play, allowing the video to fill the screen and was greeted with Julian’s smiling face. She could tell he was nervous. To anyone who watched this and didn’t know him they wouldn’t notice but to those who knew him as long as she had, it was easy to pick up the signs. 

“Hi Ezri,” the figure on the screen began.


	2. DELETED CHAPTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A deleted chapter from the once chapter fic "Lost Chances" which now remains a one-shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd due to unfinished nature.

Chapter One -

 

Outside the large floor to ceiling windows she could see various ships pass going in both directions.  Since the close of the dominion war, Deep Space Nine had become a popular stopping station for Starfleet ships preparing to go on new scientific missions. The ship she was currently visiting, the USS Voyager, had been refitted and enlarged slightly and was due to ship out to the Delta Quadrant once again, this time taking the reverse route.  

 

“Here’s your Raktajino,” B’Elanna Torres said from the doorway to the observatory doorway.  She walked in, two mugs in her hands.  She was very clearly pregnant, due in only a few weeks and given the annoyed look she got as she struggled to sit down comfortably she was eager to have that time arrive.  Behind her came her daughter Miral, her hair in pig tails and carrying a large smile as she spotted her mother’s friend.

 

“Ezri!” she said as she rushed to Ezri’s outstretched arms.  Ezri smiled as she picked her up and gave the young girl a hug. She remembered the day Voyager had arrived at Deep Space Nine, in need of repairs and with a crew full of people who eagerly wanted to get off and meet with their long lost love ones.  Julian had been asked to come on board and deal with those who had minor injuries as well as a newborn.  The Doctor of course had been quite capable but the Fleet Brass were still a bit conservative when it came to andriod or holographic lifeforms.

 

Julian had fallen in love with the baby almost instantaneously. At that point in time they had still been together, only a few months from breaking up but she had almost considered bringing the idea of having children up with him.  Julian had always wanted a family.  He hadn’t held up as a great concern, or something always on his mind, but she knew him long enough that he liked the idea of having children and descendants.  He certainly had been happy to learn that he had decendents the few times they had met with future versions of themselves.  But she hadn’t said anything.

 

She wasn’t sure if she regretted that or not.  She hadn’t particularly had an opinon on the subject. Jadzia had wanted children, that was for sure, and it had pained her and Ezri to lesser extent that she never had children.  Ezri had not been against having children, but she had never really dwelt on the idea or felt she was prepared for children.

 

Julian had once asked her to help him have a child.  It had been years after they broke up, nearly a year ago.  He had decided that he wanted to have a child, and since his relationship with Serena hadn’t panned out he had decided that he would try it alone.  However he still needed a mother, and he had asked her first.

 

She had been flattered, and a bit uncomfortable about the question at first.  She had wondered if he still held a torch for her, if this was some way he was trying to hold onto a relationship that clearly wasn’t there.  But she had soon realised he was asking her because she was his closest female friend.  She had declined at the time, having just recently gotten full captain.  However she promised to revisit the question in a year or two.

 

Well, now they knew the answer.

 

“Hello Miral!”  She said, bringing her attention back to the toddler. “I have a gift for you.”

 

“Really?”  Miral asked, her blue eyes widening.  Ezri smiled and nodded, putting her down and reaching for the bag that rested on the couch beside her.  She reached inside and brought out a teddy bear, her heart clenching at the sight for a second before she could stop it.  She plastered a smile back on her face and turned to face Miral.

 

“This is Kukalaka.  He is in need of a good home.  Do you think you can give him one?”

 

“Voyager is a good home,”  Miral said, her eyes on the bear.  ”Kukalaka was Julian’s friend,” she commented, clearly remembering the bear from times she had visited the good Doctor with her parents.  ”He kept it on a shelf in his room.”

 

Ezri looked up at B’Elanna who was watching her daughter with a sad look. “Baby Doll, I told you about how Julian had to go away, didn’t I?”  The little girl nodded.  ”Well, he needs you to take care of Kukalaka for him now that he is gone.”

 

“Why did he leave?” Both of the older women closed their eyes momentarily at the innocent comment, not sure how to answer that.  B’Elanna did not want to lie to her daughter, but it seemed a little early to Miral to really understand the concept of death.

 

“Some bad men decided to take him away,” Ezri finally said, looking out the window in the direction of the now repaired section of the station.  ”They took a few people away.”

“So he’s not alone?”

 

“No, He’s not alone.”  Ezri took ahold of the second mug B’Elanna had been holding and took a sip of her raktajino to distract her thoughts.

 

“I’ll take good care of him,” Miral said, hugging the bear close. “He can come with me for our check up with The Doctor,”  she finished, sitting on the floor between her mother and Ezri.

 

“Speaking of which, I believe it is time for that check-up,” came a deeper voice from the entrance.  They all turned to see Tom Paris leaning against the doorway, smiling at his daughter.  He looked up and caught Ezri’s eyes, his saddness at his friend’s death still there despite the levity of his expression.  

 

He stood up, and walked into the room.  Ezri took in his new appearance.  Gone was the uniform he had worn for 7 years on board Voyager.  It had been updated to the version she herself wore, and an upgrade of pips had also been in order, now numbering enough to show him as a Lieutenant Commander after a thorough investigation and review by Starfleet had decided that several members of the crew had deserved a promotion or two for their bravery and duty records.

 

Tom had been promoted to First Officer under Chakotay, who had been reinstated officially and now wore captain pips on his red collar.  B’Elanna likewise had been given an honorary academy diploma and an advance to Lt. Commander herself, and remained Chief Engineer.

 

Supposively Harry had also accepted promotion and now served as a full Lieutenant.  All three had become good friends of Ezri in the three years they had been back from the Delta Quadrant and she was proud at their achievements and promotions.  Even though it meant that she was going to be alone in this area of space once again.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Maisie Loughton is based on an Original RP character.


End file.
